'I Wanna Dance with Somebody' Review

INT. STAGE - THE SET OF “20 QUESTIONS”

Announcer (A): Hello, and welcome to 20 Questions, the popular game that everyone loves to play! The rules are simple: We select a subject and something specific within that subject, and our contestant races to identify that specific item in twenty questions or less. If the contestant succeeds, they will walk away with $10,000. Sounds easy enough! Now, let’s meet the lucky lad who will be playing today!

Hunter (H): Hello, my name is Hunter and I consider myself a big movie buff.

A: Well Hunter, it's your lucky day, as the theme for today’s game is movies!

Hunter does a fist pump under the desk he’s sitting at.

A: We’re going to give you a specific genre of movies, and you have to figure out which movie we’re looking for in twenty questions or less.

H: Sounds great Mr. Announcer. I’m ready to receive my $10,000!

A: Alright, well let's get the game started. Your specific genre is… musician biopics.

H (under his breath): Oh crap…

A: You may begin asking questions!

Q1: Alright, well, does this start at the end of the protagonist’s journey, and then proceed to be told as one long flashback?

A: Yes

Q2: Do the parents of the protagonist have a strained relationship, giving the protagonist unresolved trauma?

A: Yes

Q3: And does the protagonist make many of the same mistakes as their parents, even though they swore they wouldn’t be like them?

A: Yes

Q4: Do things start out rough at the protagonist’s first big public appearance like they stand too close to the microphone or they almost faint before they walk on stage?

A: Yes

Q5: But they immediately pull themselves together, and deliver a knock-out performance that stuns the crowd, which coincidentally includes a big-time agent/manager/producer?

A: Yes

Q6: Once they're signed to a contract, does the protagonist enjoy immediate success, thrusting them into an unfamiliar world of high expectations?

A: Yes

Q7: And is this successful period covered with a montage containing shots of positive newspaper headlines, screaming crowds, and lots of expensive items, all while one of their most famous songs plays?

A: Yes

Q8: After a while, does the protagonist meet an outsider who begins to corrupt their good-natured morals?

A: Yes

Q9: Do the family and friends of the protagonist try to convince them that this outsider is a bad influence, and will probably ruin their career?

A: Yes

Q10: But the protagonist doesn’t listen to any of them, as they’re blinded by either love or a need to rebel against what people expect of them?

A: Yes

Q11: Does the protagonist eventually start to struggle with the pressures of fame, leading them to rely on drugs and alcohol to maintain the pace?

A: Yes

Q12: And does this addiction disrupt their talents, leading to some backlash from their fans?

A: Yes

Q13: Do the family and friends that have been with the protagonist since the beginning of the movie stage an intervention about their addiction?

A: Yes

Q14: And does the protagonist then lash out by repeatedly saying “I’m fine” or “I have it under control”?

A: Yes

Q15: Then the protagonist goes to rehab, starting the recovery process by going back to their roots of why they loved singing in the first place?

A: Yes

Q16: Do we then get to the end of the movie, where the protagonist makes a comeback by performing another one of their most famous songs?

A: Yes

Q17: Does the movie then fade to black once they finish the song, revealing a postscript that describes the tragic fate of the protagonist, and how their music was so important?

A: Yes

Q18: After the postscript, does a clip montage of the real protagonist play over the credits, validating the impression done by the lead actor or actress?

A: Yes

Q19: Will this lead performer be described as a “star-in-the-making” or a “revelation,” and be 

considered for an Oscar?

A: Yes

Q20: But, despite the lead performance being praised, will everyone agree that the movie is just an airbrushed retelling of the protagonist's Wikipedia page and that it played loose with the facts?

A: Yes, and that was your final question, so you need to guess which movie we’re looking for.

H: Well gosh, I haven’t really narrowed it down. It could be… Walk the Line, Bohemian Rhapsody, Born to be Blue, Beyond the Sea, I Saw the Light, Judy, Coalminer’s Daughter, Ray, Elvis, Respect, Get on Up, or The United States vs. Billie Holiday, Stardust, or twenty other movies I can’t think of right now.

A: Well, I’m going to have to ask you to only guess one.

H: Alright, I’m guessing that the movie you’re looking for is Bohemian Rhapsody.

A: Oh, I’m sorry but the answer we wanted was Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance with Somebody! You actually saw that movie last night.

H: Dang! You’re right, I did see that movie last night! I’ve completely forgotten about it and it’s not even been 24 hours.

A: Don’t feel too hard on yourself. Everyone is going to forget about that movie by next week.

H: Yeah, you’re probably right.

A: And that’s going to do it for us here at 20 Questions! We hope you all at home had fun playing along, even though we doubt you were able to come up with the answer as well.